The Voice of the Unity

Just got this evemail from an “owner” of a mission I was looting:

fuck off
From: Milena Kenatue
Sent: 2009.12.05 23:38
To: Merii Kha’sen,

screw u

I replied:

Re: fuck off
From: Merii Kha’sen
Sent: 2009.12.05 23:38
To: Milena Kenatue,

NO U

Milena then warped off. Try it next time!

This isn’t a very clever story, but it illustrates quite well what happens if you shoot at a ninja salvager.

There’s a repeat “customer” of my services that I see a lot – a bloke going by the name of “edeity”. I’ve salvaged his missions twice now, and as I undock in my Executioner, I see him undock. He’s one of those guys that shoots at ninjas, then runs before they come back. Curious, I watch where he warps off too as I wait the 30 seconds to redock for my Anathema.

A quick set of scans later and I’ve got him narrowed down to a point a bit below the ecliptic. Re-docking, I swap to the Executioner and roar off to his mission. It appears to be a Mining Misappropriation, Level 4. I start salvaging and he locks me up. Good so far. Sliding past one of the Battleship wrecks, I grab a Tachyon Beam Laser I – that’ll fetch nearly a million ISK, no matter what else I get.

Yes! He opens fire as I align to the station. Warping out, I dock as fast as I can, screaming for Scotty to get his butt in gear and get my Armageddon ready for battle. 30 excruciatingly slow seconds later, I’m undocking, then aligning out. A few moments later, I’m pulling into the mission with a blinking red Apocalypse 3000 meters off to the left. Starting target lock, I enable all the requisite awesome modules – warp scrambler, webber, nosferatu, guns. Additional firepower comes in the form of 5 Berserker IIs that flash out of my dronebay and hover menacingly for a bare half-second before the target lock resolves and they scream after the awesome pulses of power from my lasers.

The actual fight is hardly worth mentioning – He doesn’t even get me through shields before he’s into structure, popping as he does the first flash of damage to my hull. The best damage of all was his hit to my shields:

[ 2009.12.05 05:34:29 ] (combat) Mega Modulated Energy Beam I belonging to edeity heavily hits you, inflicting 1839.3 damage.

Mind you, this is less than a quarter shields on an Armageddon. On the other hand, my lasers and drones tore him apart in short order, leaving a drifting wreck full of Apocalypse loot.

His response to the carnage?

edeity > cockhead

The fun doesn’t end there, though. Just for kicks, I wanted to finish salvaging the mission, including his Apocalypse wreck. Said wreck yielded 16 Armor Plates, at 200k ISK each. Quite a bonus!

Don’t shoot ninjas. Bad things happen.